The Reason for Who I Am What I Am...

otro día mas sin verte...

check out derek's homepage!

me, derek (aka "smoogies") and his mom the day before his graduation from san francisco state university in may of 1995.


		      
over one year later...




		one year has passed since i last saw that smile of yours.	
		i've only been able to experience it through email, irc,
		and over the phone.

		how i miss having you near me in the joyous moments in my life
		as well as in the hours of emotional despair.

		still i think you are the best thing ever to come into
		my life and i hope you will stay there.


 * * * 

		i met derek in the wet spring semester of 1992 at fresno state 
		university.  i knew there was something very special about
		this young man, and on april 25th of that year we began
		a journey that lasted over 3 years.  it wasn't always
		easy, but the joys far outweighed the struggles we 
		had together.

		for the struggle to get through graduate school and start
		a new career and a new life together,


		the death of my beloved grandmother, and the loss of
		his grandfather,


		the movies
		the sunday brunches,
		the escapes to los angeles and san francisco


		the fights, the giggles, the weight gain

		the monster called depression that strangles

		my will to live;


		moving to a new city, a new life together,
		new careers






		commuting 4 hours a day so that someone can finish
		their education and love every minute of it,
		and to have hillary clinton honor us for it...

		new friends, old friends, real, electronic,
		and imaginary  :)

		pain, growing, transgressions, confusion

		and regret

		so much regret


		but this young man has taught me what unconditional love is
		and to give it to others with a beautiful smile


		through the darkest times in the past year he was there
		for me and forgave all the horrendous things i did


		but now electronic mail

		and wonderfully endless irc chats

		and letters

		and packages travelling
 
		12,000 miles

		can't take the place of the warmth

		of your smile

		your touch

		your love



		y por eso, todo lo que tengo
    
		and because of this, eveything that i have

		todo lo que soy
			
		everything that i am

		te lo debo a ti
			
		i owe it all to you

		y solo a ti
			
		and only you



		i love you more than life itself.

	
		come home soon derek, um guayza hao



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